INTRODUCTION.
It may sound hilarious on casual reflection, but many parents, however inadvertently, lead to the failure of their children. The little or ordinary things you think nothing of, or that you take for granted may actually be taking a great toll on the psychological build up or shaping of the young ones. It is not always that what we believe is good for the children actually turns out to be really good for them. Some of the little things we do or say, may in reality leave permanent impressions on the young ones or warp their reasoning and beliefs forever. For instance, parents who are up and doing everyday just to cater for the needs of the family may actually be rated as very good parents by all, which in reality is correct. But wait for a minute, in most cases, these parents are both out of the house at the break of the day and may not return until well later in the night. While they were away, the children were left to be on their own or with care givers, and at such times, they are free to cultivate any peer friends they like, and that maybe the beginning of doom and failure. So, you see, what is believed to be good is actually turning out to be their undoing. We shall look at other ways through which parents are actually catalyzing the failure of their children, and sometimes without knowing it at all.
Children by their nature tend to imitate us in whatever it is we do much more than taking our instructions, which are most times given under harsh circumstances, and with severe reprimand, scolding, rebuke, or even physical punishments or threats. Whatever we may do, these children mostly imitate us more than they listen to us. You leave a lasting impression on your children as parents when you bicker or quarrel with each other ( if you do this openly in their presence), when you require them to lie in menial things like telling visitors at the gate that you are not around, and so on. Under your guidance and tutelage, you are basically turning your children into a life of falsehood and street urchins; like you aim blows at your spouse, so shall they aim at others on the street and their spouses eventually too. Congratulations for turning out to be both a parent and boxing coach for street duels, all at once.
This article will discuss the various ways through which many parents actually contribute to the failure of their children, either consciously or not, and for what it is worth, we shall not be the same afterwards, at least that's the objective of every parent, right? Sometimes, things may not really be as they seem, especially if we remind ourselves that parenting is one of the most difficult endeavors man can undertake. There are many things that are capable of affecting the success of any child, such as socioeconomic status, the environment in which he/she lives, and their parents' level of education, among many others. Though it is not easy to actually determine what techniques are the most ideal in effective parenting, there are however some parental behaviors that have been established by research findings which can lead to problems in children, such as depression and anxiety much later in life. Here are some of them that parents ought to be wary of:
(1). REFUSAL BY PARENTS TO ALLOW CHILDREN TO BE INDEPENDENT.
It has scientifically been proven that parents who psychologically control their children will inevitably create a host of negative outcomes for the kids, which may include low self esteem and confidence, as well as self reliance. Endeavor to encourage children, especially teens, to be independent so as to enhance their ability to resolve conflicts and develop interpersonal relationships. Also, more independence in children can lead to an increase in the teen's ability to resist peer pressure or coercion.
(2). PARENTS SHOULD LEARN NOT TO YELL AT THEIR KIDS TOO MUCH.
Harsh verbal discipline like shouting, cursing, or using insults can actually be very detrimental to the kid's well being in the long term. It's actually a tough call for parents because it goes both ways: aberrant behaviors of children may necessitate harsh verbal discipline, but on the other hand, such discipline can lead to the adolescents among them towards those same behaviors.
(3). PARENTS CAN BE THE 'HELICOPTER TYPE.
Being a concerned parent maybe good, but becoming a 'helicopter parent' or one who is over controlling could result in higher degree of anxiety and depression in the children. There is actually a strong connection between over controlling parents and depression in mostly college aged young adults, a recent study in the University of Tennessee, Chattanooga has established. Children with the so called 'helicopter parents' were found to be more reclusive, less open, more self conscious, and also happened to use more pain pills recreationally.
(4). THEY ALLOW THE CHILDREN TO DECIDE THEIR BED TIMES.
There is a strong correlation between irregular bed times and worsening behaviors, such as hyperactivity, conduct issues, peer influence, and emotional difficulties. It is also proven that irregular bedtimes affect the child's brain development, and this can in turn have profound effects on health and wellbeing throughout the child's life. Any distruption to sleep, particularly when that happens at key times in development, could lead to severe impacts on the child's health.
(5). NEVER ALLOW CHILDREN TO WATCH TV WHEN THEY ARE REALLY YOUNG.
Though watching TV has been a parental boogie man for decades, it appears there is actually a cause for serious concern in the matter. Heavy and prolonged watching of the TV by kids, especially before they are three years old, actually affects their vocabulary, participation, and tends to make them more prone to bullying others, such as their classmates, friends, and so on, when they get to kindergarten. Also, this excessive watching of the TV has been associated with attention problems, as well as impaired reading and proficiency in some subjects, such as Mathematics. Though some television programs like Sesame Street or Barney may actually be beneficial to children, but only those in the ages of two and half to five years.
(6). AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS.
Basically, it has also been proven that there are three kinds of styles in parenting: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. Among these three, the most ideal is authoritative parenting, which involves the parent who directs the child rationally. To be more explanatory on this issue, authoritarian parents are very demanding and often discourage open communication with their children to great detriment. For instance, an authoritarian parent might say, 'Son, you need to get straight A's in college because I say so.' It is a kind of strict guideline without any rationale which the child can understand. The authoritative parent, on the other hand, is that parent who tries to direct the child rationally. The authoritative parent might explain why good grades are important and should be worked for. They always try to give understandable reasons for whatever they say, without involving coercion or needless emphasis. It is best if the kid see your comments as good and worthy of his concern, not the other way round. Authoritarian parenting can lead to inhibited performance in school, or just plain revolt to show their distate.
(7). THE USE OF CELLPHONES FREQUENTLY AROUND THEIR KIDS.
Distracted parents are very capable of affecting their children's overall development. Actually, this study was sometimes conducted on rats, and whether the findings maybe applicable to man, is not yet known, but they could. At least, technology induced distractions can not be a great thing at all. For example, a rise in emergency room injuries in children can be attributed to our smartphones, according to the Wall Street Journal. In fact, a Pennsylvania State University study posited that, ' the usage of smartphones poses a great danger to the welfare and development of our children.
(8). PATENTS WHO ARE COLD AND DISTANT TO THEIR CHILDREN.
It is only logical that, there is no alternative to developing a healthy, positive bond with your children than being there for them whenever they need to express themselves and their fear. In fact, low level of parental warmth and closeness can contribute to behavioral problems, in addition to insecurity and emotional difficulties in children and adolescents. Children who lack parental praise may equally experience social withdrawal and anxiety, according to an in depth study in 1986.
(9). THE USE OF PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT.
Spanking the child for any wrong doing has been associated with hyperactivity, aggression, and recalcitrant behaviors in children. To corroborate this claim, it has been found out that, first graders in school with behavioral problems, are mostly those whose parents spanked them. These children are more likely to be disruptive than others. Children spanking is associated with mental health problems and cognitive difficulties in them, according to another research study conducted by UNICEF recently too.
CONCLUSION.
Though successful parenting can be quite challenging, it can be made more effective when you set yourself out to treat the your children with love, care and friendship, as against shouting, giving out threats or generally sharing terror. However, this advice does not in anyway recommend you to be less firm in certain matters: be firm when necessary, but do it with love, and you'll eventually swing it well. Good luck to you.
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